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"Tell the chef, the beer is on me."
but then again, its kind like putting a meat suit on and telling a shark not to eat you
We (men) are not fucking sharks!
We are not rabid animals living off of pure instinct
We are capable of rational thinking and understanding.
Just because someone is cooking food doesn’t mean you’re entitled to eat it.
Just because a banker is counting money doesn’t mean you’re being given free money.
Just because a person is naked doesn’t mean you’re entitled to fuck them.
You are not entitled to someone else’s body just because it’s exposed.
What is so fucking difficult about this concept?
How can you not reblog something like this
FUCKING. HELL. YES.
He also has her followed at her work as he tells her not to leave for lunch, and had his body guard follow her.
Then he sends her furious emails about it.
He also holds punishments over her head to try and keep her in line such as “you’re making my hand twitchy”
Which is his way of saying he is going to spank her, purely because she tries to stand up for herself and defies him. He doesn’t like that.
The pure fact that he says “I like having control over every aspect of my life” is a red flag enough. But so many girls don’t even see that. That’s a massive sign of an abusive person.
Psychological abuse can look like:
Humiliating or embarrassing you. -he does this by treating her like a child in front of her family and friends, and his employees
Refusing to communicate. - He refuses to talk about things, unless HE wants to talk about it. Otherwise he ignores her and shuts down communication.
Ignoring or excluding you. - See above. He ignores her, and excludes her by purposely leaving her out of things such as his crazy ex threatening them, this ends in her almost killing them. Then he excludes her while he takes care of his ex, leaving Anastasia to assume the worst.
Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice.- she got scared purely over the tone of voice he would purposely use.
He refused to let her hang with her male friend because he was jealous.
Extreme moodiness.- this guy was so hot and cold, Katy Perry wrote a song about him.
Mean jokes or constantly making fun of you.- he constantly belittled her and tried to make her feel as if she couldn’t handle simple tasks without him.
Saying things like “If you don’t _____, I will_____.”-he would use punishments like time in the red room to get her to do what he wanted.
Domination and control.- Literally everything about him.
Withdrawal of affection.- He would shut down and refuse to talk to her let alone touch her if she did ANYTHING wrong.
Guilt trips.- Constantly brought up previous things he didn’t like to try and guilt her into doing what he wanted.
Making everything your fault.- She couldn’t do anything right, and he always reminded her.
Isolating you from friends and family.- Her own housemate stopped talking to her because of the way she had changed.
Using money to control.-He was always trying to buy her love, and would guilt her if she didn’t like it.
Constant calling or texting when you are not with him/her.- If he wasn’t ignoring her, he was constantly demanding her attention.
15 out of 21 signs of an abusive relationship is Christian Grey.
Anyone who tries to dispute this, are allowing the behaviour of emotional abuse to be romanticised.
- Talking to hektikk about 50 shades of Grey.
The movie is out soon, so I just wanted to share this.
Please stop making excuses for his abuse.
Please stop defending him, and stop telling us to “get over it” or to just not read the books if we don’t like it.
You’re allowing this behaviour to be presented to naive women interested in the BDSM lifestyle in a romantic way.
You’re allowing guys like this to abuse girls who think this is okay, because you’re telling them that it is okay. It’s not.
This is dangerous behaviour.
Take it from someone who was emotionally abused for almost 6 years.
It is so hard to gain control back.
If someone had of told me to look out for these signs, I’d like to think I’d of been smart enough to leave.
But I know that’s not true.
They are manipulative, and very very good at what they do.
Educate women, but also show men like this that: No, this is not acceptable behaviour. We will call you out on your bullshit, and protect women from your abuse.
Also, don’t forget that anyone can be an abuser. Any gender, sexual orientation, race etc.
Be aware of it, and don’t sit by and allow it to happen.
Did you even read the books?
Everything stated above is from the books. Go on, try and deny it.
I’ll happily quote from all three of them, as yes, I did read them and I have them in my emails from when a friend sent them to me.
This is Why its so scary. People are going to get hurt. I’ve read the books and was horrified. Neither of my dominants would ever do anything remotely like that. That is abuse. If you see any of the above signs in your partner kinky or not call someone you trust or go to shelter and get safe.
I will admit it. I have read all three books in the Fifty Shades of Grey series.
I am not admitting this because I am ashamed of my sexual desires or even because I feel the need to rant and rave about the poor writing quality of these books. (And it is extremely poor. I set my Kindle to count how many times the word “gasp” is used in the third book and the total was more than 70). I am admitting this because I feel the need to share my opinions about what I consider to be the incredibly — and dangerously — abusive relationship portrayed in the books.
When I first heard about Fifty Shades of Grey and learned they began as Twilight fanfiction, I swore I would not read them. I have read all of the Twilight books and I did not enjoy them. I found the relationships between Edward and Bella and Bella and Jacob to be patronizing and emotionally abusive, and I also thought the writing was pedestrian at best and boring to read. Why would I devote the limited amount of time I have for reading for pleasure to a series like this?
But as the dialogue about Fifty Shades of Grey increased, both in the media and amongst my friends, my curiosity was piqued. I attended a talk titled “Fifty Shades of Grey - Bad for Women, Bad for Sex” and decided that I should see what all the fuss was about.
To quote the book, I gasped. I rolled my eyes. I even bit my lip a few times. But not for the reasons Anastasia, the protagonist, did. I did out of exasperation, boredom and disgust, but also out of fear. After reading this book series, I am deeply afraid that this type of relationship will be viewed as the romantic ideal for women. And I consider that to be extremely dangerous — much more so than anything that takes place between Christian and Anastasia in the Red Room of Pain.
Could the character of Anastasia Steele be any more of a stereotype? She is an introvert, has low self-esteem, has abandonment issues from her father, apparently has only one close friend who bullies her and even though she works in a hardware store, she doesn’t seem to possess any self-sufficiency aside from cooking for her roommate and herself. She seems to have no sexual identity until Christian Grey enters her life and requests that she become his Submissive in a sexual relationship.
In order to be Christian’s submissive, Anastasia is expected to sign a lengthy and detailed contract that, amongst other requirements, requires that she exercise four days a week with a trainer that Christian provides (and who will report to Christian on her progress), eat only from a list of foods Christian supplies her with, get eight hours of sleep a night and begin taking a form of birth control so Christian will not have to wear condoms. Anastasia negotiates a few terms of the contract with Christian (she only wants to work out three days a week, not four), but all of her negotiations are only within his framework — none of the terms are hers independently. Nothing in their relationship is hers as an independent.
The character of Christian Grey is a rich, superpowered businessman who was abused as a child. He is in therapy, and Anastasia frequently references his therapist, but based on how he treats Anastasia, he doesn’t seem to be making much progress. As Anastasia’s relationship with Christian progresses, his controlling tendencies affect her life more and more. When her friend takes portraits of her for his photography exhibit, Christian buys all of them, because he does not want anyone else looking at Anastasia. (They weren’t even in a relationship when he did this.) When she is hired as an assistant at a publishing company, he buys the company — to make sure she’s “safe” working there. When she goes out to a bar with her one friend, against his wishes, he flies from New York to Washington State that same night, just to express his anger — and exercise his control over her. When she does not immediately change her name at her office (in hopes of maintaining some professional autonomy, given that he bought the company she works at), he shows up, unannounced, at her office, in the middle of her workday, to pick a fight with her. When she asks why it is so important to him that she change her name, he says he wants everyone to know she is his.
Christian’s possession of Anastasia is the cause of much of my disgust and fear of the book’s influence on people and how they view romantic relationships. After they exchange their wedding vows, the first words he says to her are, “Finally, you’re mine.” The control he exercises over her does not reflect his love for her; it reflects his objectifying of her. Christian never views Anastasia as a person, let alone an independent woman. He wants her to obey him, and even though she refuses to include that in her wedding vows, it is exactly what she does. When her mother questions her choice to keep her wedding dress on rather than change before traveling for her honeymoon, she says, “Christian likes this dress, and I want to please him.” Her desire to try some of the “kinky fuckery” in his Red Room of Pain comes from wanting to demonstrate her love for him, not her own sexual desires.
Wanting to please Christian apparently includes subjecting herself to verbal and emotional abuse from him ‘til death do them part, because any time she tries to stand up to him — which isn’t often — he berates her, guilt trips her and beats her down verbally until she apologizes and submits to him. After she uses the “safe word” in the Red Room of Pain so he will stop, he bemoans his sad state of mind later, mentioning that his “wife fucking safe worded him.” He is not concerned with her well-being or why she felt the need to use the safe word. He only cares about how it affects him.
The question that I kept asking myself as I read the books was why Anastasia stayed with Christian, and the answer I found was that she has absolutely no sense of self worth. She only feels sexy when he says she is, and when he insults or patronizes her, she accepts what he says as the truth. One of the passages that disgusted me the most was when Anastasia was at a club with Christian, dancing and thinking to herself that she never felt sexy before she met him and that he had given her confidence in her body. Yes, being with a partner who frequently compliments you can increase your confidence, but Anastasia went from zero to one hundred thanks to Christian. None of that came from within herself. Because of his influence on her, nothing in her life came from herself — her job, her home, her way of life, or even her self-esteem.
The co-dependency between Anastasia and Christian is alarming to read and even more to contemplate. When she breaks up with him at the end of the first book, the second book finds her starving herself and wasting away to nothing until he contacts her again. When she thinks his helicopter has crashed in the second book, she thinks to herself that she can’t live without him. Their marriage only comes about because he is scared she will leave him, and when she asks what she can do to prove to him she isn’t going anywhere, he says she can marry him. Yes, origins of insecurity and desperation are a great start to a healthy marriage.
When Anastasia finds herself unexpectedly pregnant and shares the news with Christian, he rages at her, asking if she did it on purpose and storming out of the house, disappearing for hours. Even though Anastasia thinks to herself that the pregnancy happened too soon in their marriage, she never considers terminating it.
The themes of the novel — that love alone can make someone change, that abuse from a spouse is acceptable as long as he’s great in bed, that pregnancies should always be carried to term even if the parents are not ready to be parents, and the ridiculously antiquated, Victorian idea that the love of a pure virgin can save a wayward man from himself — are irrational, unbelievable and dangerous.
Our culture has seen a radical shift of ideals moving towards traditional gender roles and Fifty Shades of Grey is a shining example of that. Early marriage to one’s first sexual partner, having a baby even when saying neither of the partners is ready to be a parent, and submission to one’s husband as the head of the household are all aspects of life that feminists and progressive thinkers have worked to move beyond. Anastasia and Christian’s relationship is not romantic. It is abusive. The ways he tries to “keep her safe” are not masculine or sexy. They are stalking. Fearing one’s husband’s reaction to an unexpected pregnancy is not normal, because “boys will be boys.” It is sad and dangerous and should not happen in a healthy relationship.
Fifty Shades of Grey was one of the best-selling books of the year. Sex toy classes have been inspired by it, as have new types of cocktails. The film adaptation is already in the works. I sincerely hope that honest discussion will be had about the book and that the Christian Grey ideal of romance is not one that will be perpetuated throughout our culture. The best way that can happen is through open, honest dialogue that leads to healthy relationships of two equal partners. That, in my opinion, is sexier than anything that can happen in the Red Room of Pain.”
Read it all.
This is really important.
To the idiots that say “just don’t read it”…
You have no idea the impact this could have on naive girls, or abusive guys.
As a submissive who enjoys power exchange on many levels… I say this because I’ve seen this with “you don’t understand BDSM” bullshit comments… I LOVE how this is worded. Nothing about 50 Shades is Safe, Sane, or Consensual (aka what BDSM preaches). Nothing about it is a “fairytale” like the commercials are staying… This series and movie are DANGEROUS… I beg and plead to those I know (lunastellaris or starkystark or whomever else I’ve heard say they might see it for laughs) DO NOT GO SEE THE MOVIE… Giving your money to this story just makes things worse… And I strongly advise anyone who disagrees about my views on 50 Shades to reevaluate their views and also check my Fifty Shades of Abuse tag.
"Reduce cellulite. Be gone dry skin. Vanish unwanted facial hair. Diminish stretch marks. Fade age spots. Eliminate feminine odor. Lose weight. Dissolve belly fat. Erase wrinkles. I think someone wants me to disappear."
This is essentially every cover of every magazine marketed to women.
"Tell the chef, the beer is on me."
"Basically the price of a night on the town!"
"I'd love to help kickstart continued development! And 0 EUR/month really does make fiscal sense too... maybe I'll even get a shirt?" (there will be limited edition shirts for two and other goodies for each supporter as soon as we sold the 200)